The Guilt – A Rant

“A mothers guilt is hard enough without other people adding to it”.

My friend said this to another friend on a Whatsapp group conversation this week. She has gone back to work following the end of her maternity leave and is feeling the pressure of not only leaving her baby in nursery, but having her family/in-laws chime in with what they think of the whole situation. Needless to say she is very on edge.

This last few days have been utter shite (to put it politely). Baby Z has been really poorly with a persistent temperature. The “mothers guilt” kicked in immediately. Was it something I did? Was it all the early starts? Is it because it’s just so cold outside in the morning?

Certain family members then added to that guilt by giving their opinion on what had made Z ill. Some, quite nicely, revolved around me going back to work. The button was pressed successfully and the mothers guilty tears flowed.

The doctor diagnosed him with a throat infection but it’s viral which means no antibiotics and he has to fight it off himself. Great!! Now, I’m not an antibiotics addict by any means and, personally, I always feel like I should be close to my death bed before making an appointment, but when it comes to your baby you somehow just want them to wave a wand a make them better don’t you? Well, she didn’t pull out the wand and after a thorough check we trudged back home to alternate between the calpol and nurofen.

We are currently on Day 6 of an on and off temperature, teething and a throat infection. He is trying so hard to be the bubbly naughty baby he is but every so often he climbs into my lap looking shattered and just wants to be cuddled. As much as I love the hugs, I just want the little hurricane back that can destroy our living room in 30 seconds flat.

And then to throw a bit more guilt into the mix I have to go back to work tomorrow. I left work in a hurry half way through the day on Friday to take Z to the doctors. My boss was supportive as always but that didn’t stop me feeling guilty about dropping everything with the promise of catching up later. That later didn’t come till Saturday morning whilst Z napped. Come tomorrow I will be worrying about Z and wondering if he is ok whilst trying to work and obviously not giving 100%.

Roll on the end of bug season and a happier fully recovered Z.

There endeth the rant.

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7 Comments

  1. Mum2BabyInsomniac February 21, 2012 / 9:48 am

    Ahh there is just so much to feel guilty about, I stay at home but worry that I don’t play with Iyla enough. I can’t believe anyone would insinuate that it’s your fault he’s ill though! That’s utterly ridiculous! I hope all returns to normal soon and it’s not your fault, babies get ill! Iyla has had a tummy bug followed by conjunctivitis plus teething for the last few weeks! Nightmare x Love the new look blog by the way 🙂

  2. Rebecca February 22, 2012 / 9:27 am

    Thanks for linking up and for adding the badge. Tea and sympathy for you.

  3. Boo Roo and Tigger Too February 23, 2012 / 9:42 pm

    The guilt us mums put upon ourselves even worse when others make you feel guilty. Children get ill, fact. Can you prevent this, well yes if they live in a bubble. I believe that children need to get ill to help them fight bigger infections later on. Instead of people worrying about germs and bugs just think of the social interaction they are gaining by attending nursery.

  4. susankmann February 24, 2012 / 5:11 pm

    Hugs hope he’s better. It’s so hard when they are ill. Hugs xx

  5. Alexandra Bridger February 24, 2012 / 9:15 pm

    You feel like you just can’t win as a mum, don’t you! x

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