What People Say…

When I became a brand spanking new mum just over a year ago, there were a few things that hit me quite hard in the face. Sleepless nights, poo, endless feeding times and exhaustion were just some of them. One other quite big thing was the advice of others. Or rather, baby related comments. It was like walking through a door from a place where people reserve judgement, nod politely at your opinion and talk about neutral things like the weather to a place where the world and his dog are “baby experts”. Every has an opinion and heck they will give it to you. Whether you’ve asked for it or not! Everyone from your immediate family to your inlaws friend’s neighbours. And chances are, if you are or were anything like me (completely clueless), it is the perfect way to send a first time mum running for the hills. Whilst, of course, running for the hills thinking you are a mad / bad / overprotective / underprotective mum.

The good news is that you do start to wise up quite quickly and as you and your baby gets older you will learn to transition from crazed tears of anxiety (from yourself) to an uber cool mother that can learn to grit her teeth, smile and offer a cup of tea all at the same time. Mostly.

It goes something like this….

In the begininning:
What People Say: “Oh don’t you think he should be drinking more than that? He looks very underweight?”
What you think: Wha? OMG. Underweight? I’m a terrible mother, I don’t even know my OWN baby! How will I look after him? Surely I should have known he needs more milk??? Waaaaaaaah!
What you say: I’m going to ring the midwife right now.
And then a bit later to stunned OH: I Hate yooooou. You don’t support me enough!
Later Still to the perplexed OH: I’m sorry…I’m just so tired!

When Baby is a bit older…
What People Say: “Don’t you have him in a routine yet? He should be sleeping through the night by now”
What you think: Wha? OMG! He should be sleeping through by now? I knew it!! There’s something wrong with him isn’t there? Is it me?
What you say: I’m going to ring the midwife right now….(whilst simultaneously trying to rock a wide awake baby back to sleep for the 5th time).
What you say to the perplexed OH: “He’s not sleeping, it’s all my fault…Waaah. Oh, and yours tooooo!”

As the fog clears a bit more when Baby is a bit older:
What People Say: “Dont give him a dummy / He should be eating a full plate full by now / He should be drinking a pint of milk in one go”.
What you think: Oh shut up!!
What you say: “The midwife said he’s fine”.
Later: “Waaaaaahhhhhh!”

Even later still when Baby starts rolling over, crawling around etc…
What People Say: “Shouldn’t he be walking / talking / running by now?”
What you think: (In the style of the 1970’s Batman series) Waaallllopp!! Kerranggg! Splaaaat (flicks V’s)”
What you say: “He’s absolutely perfect. [Smile] Would you like a cup of tea?”
Later: “*Sigh*, Some people are just rude. Ooooh cake!”

18 Comments

    • Notmyyearoff April 11, 2012 / 9:54 pm

      A good twitter friend once said it will eventually feel like a water off a ducks back. And eventually, it does!

  1. Jenny Paulin (@JennyPaulin) April 9, 2012 / 11:30 pm

    i totally agree with Susan!! sometimes i think people should keep their thoughts to themselves!! made me smile though x

    • Notmyyearoff April 11, 2012 / 9:54 pm

      They so should! Poor new mums are knackered enough!

    • Notmyyearoff April 11, 2012 / 9:56 pm

      Ahhh thank you lovely 🙂

  2. crystaljigsaw April 10, 2012 / 9:01 am

    So true, such a great post. Something that hit me when Amy started getting older and showing signs of “something not quite right” was how the advice stopped all of a sudden. People didn’t know what to say because they knew nothing about what was happening, ie autism. I used to smile at that because it showed people up for how ignorant they really were.

    CJ x

    • Notmyyearoff April 11, 2012 / 9:57 pm

      It has shown me another side of some people. Even some guys that wouldn’t normally show any signs of knowing how to raise a child!

  3. http://www.mothergeek.co.uk April 10, 2012 / 12:28 pm

    LOL! You’re not wrong!!
    I had baby 1 last June & did exactly what you wrote above.
    I am expecting baby 2 this June (I know – fast worker) and I wrote a blog yesterday basically sticking V’s up at the Parenting Police (as I so lovingly refer to them)!
    Tee (at http://www.mothergeek.co.uk)

    • Notmyyearoff April 11, 2012 / 10:00 pm

      Ahhh, firstly, congratulations!! Hope your pregnancy is going well. I wonder if we’ll all be a lot more relaxed second time around. I hope so!

  4. Bod for tea April 11, 2012 / 7:19 am

    This is so true! People are so free with their advice but not so much with their help I find 🙂

    • Notmyyearoff April 11, 2012 / 9:58 pm

      Oh sooo true!!!! It shows a whole different side to people doesn’t it?

  5. lagosmum April 11, 2012 / 3:40 pm

    Ahhh – how I can relate to this!
    In addition to the ones you’ve put down, I had – ‘Oh, you’re not breast-feeding? Didn’t your milk come in?’ FFS.
    x

    • Notmyyearoff April 11, 2012 / 9:59 pm

      Arrrrggggh! I hated breast feeding comments …”did you only feed him x months? Why are you / aren’t you etc”. I was shocked how personal people become.

  6. Vitamin B April 12, 2012 / 2:08 am

    I love your insightful article. awesome information. I hope you write others. I will carry on reading

  7. mummydaddyme April 12, 2012 / 9:04 pm

    Oh hun this is brilliant- and it is so annoying why people think it is ok to tell you things about your baby. I have never quite experienced it until I was a mother. It is so frustrating and can have damaging effects on a new mum.x

  8. Mum2BabyInsomniac April 12, 2012 / 9:18 pm

    Lol, I was quite lucky and didn’t actually get that many comments from people but I do get a lot of ‘when are you going to stop breastfeeding her?’. Why can’t people just mind their own business! x

  9. amummysview April 14, 2012 / 5:45 pm

    made me laugh as it is sooo true! I was quite lucky didn’t have too bad a time of this but I do have someone very close to me who has an opinionated individual hovering over them and I can just imagine her feeling exactly like this! x

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