Many moons ago I wrote a post titled The rules according to a toddler. Toddlers seemed to have their own way of living and it was definitely interesting to live with one. It seems things just hot up a notch when they turn 3. Full of emotion and a big helping of independence, they really do test your nerves at times, whilst making you laugh your head off every so often. A whole new set of rules that all the threenagers seem to know about.
So after careful observation of just the one 3 year old (mine), here is what I think the rules are:
1. Accept no help whatsoever in any task. Shout defiantly that you are going to do it by yourself.
2. After struggling for about 15 minutes, demand Adult helps you instantly.
3. Take 2 hours to only half eat breakfast.
4. Wait till Adult gives in persuading you to eat, watch them eat your breakfast. Then have emotional tantrum about how you actually wanted it.
5. Demand Adult gives you something different. Don’t eat it once presented with it.
6. Get a new batch of emotions every week. Use them dramatically every hour or so. Instant waterworks are good to acquire things quickly.
7. Insist on helping in EVERYTHING. Take charge and tell Adult what to do.
8. Instantly repeat things you really shouldn’t. Naughty words or frustrated adult huffs are usually good.
9. Repeat excitedly at great speed if Adult looks horrified and tries to get you to stop.
10. Talk Non-stop. All day. Every day. Non stop. Without pause.
11. Rise same time every day around the break of dawn. Or before. Whether you went to bed late or not.
12. Make Adult drag you out of bed on weekdays. Get up before break of dawn at weekends.
13. Start telling the public and relatives what goes on at home. Regale stories of what Mummy and Daddy did and spill the beans on anything that’s private. Making stuff up is ok and spices things up. Watch Adults squirm later when public/ relatives enquire if said story is true.
14. Refuse need for loo the first 20 times an Adult asks.
15. Announce you need loo as soon as Adult is about to put morsel of food in mouth. Make it look urgent.
16. Do a 2 second wee and announce you’re done. Yes you’re sure. Look exasperated with Adults constant questioning around if you’re done.
17. Take ages to get into car seat. Eventually do it after Adult threatens to take something away. Decide you need the loo..
18. Refuse to leave car unless Adult lets you “drive”. Sit in drivers seat and pretend to drive. Take your time and get full enjoyment out of driving experience.
19. Tell Adult they are your best friend. Throws them off track.
21. Say “please!” constantly and repeatedly to try to get more sweets/drinks/crisps/naughty snack out of them.
22. As soon as any Adult says they are going out, ask where they are off to and announce you are going too, whether you’ve been invited or not.