The second baby is easier. The second baby is harder

Second baby

During my pregnancy I got a lot of people telling me what a second child had done to the dynamics of their family. Some gazed into the distance happily as they affirmed how a second baby was the most wonderful thing ever. Others splurted out shakily how a second child had turned their whole lives, and house, upside down and how nine years on they had still not dared contemplate a third. Most, however, reassured me that a second baby was not as hard or as scary as the first time. I carried that about like a beacon of hope, wishing for a good chilled out baby.

After about a month of parenting two little people, I’ve found…

The second baby is easier. It’s not like the first time where your entire life is transformed beyond recognition. You’re already in the parenting mindset and you’re not terrified that you’ll break the tiny new being that’s been handed to you by the midwife. Mostly.

The second baby is harder. You realise you now have to nurture and love not just one, but TWO human beings. How the heck are you going to balance them both and make sure both are loved equally. I may have panicked on about Day 2 of Baby E coming into the world worrying how on earth I would love him just as much as Little Z.

The second baby is easier. There is no grand delusions about them sleeping through as soon as you bring them back from the hospital. You laugh in the face (sort of) of those telling you about how their good baby is such a good sleeper (in your head) and prepare for a good few months of much needed naps whenever you can find them.

The second baby is harder. You know its highly likely your baby isn’t going to sleep through at 6 weeks. First time round I was convinced this was a universal baby truth and it came as a bit of a shock after about 3 months when it dawned on me that this could go on quite a while. You know it could go on past a year. I’m not sure anyone gets used to sleep deprivation, ever!

The second baby is easier. You don’t feel the need to dial the out of hours doctors every other week from fear of being sure there is something wrong with them. You also don’t look a frazzled state on a semi permanent basis. You know its probably just trapped wind and employ your expert burp the baby methods.

The second baby is harder. You no longer wish the days away impatiently waiting for their first smile, first roll over, first anything. You know the days are far too short and fleeting. These baby days will be over before you know it, probably for the last time. You cherish them. Mostly. There are still days you wait for the husband to come home from work, that bit doesn’t change.

The second baby is easier. You still have a tonne of stuff from your first baby so its slightly easier on your bank account. You still have to buy things but its nowhere near the hit of the first time where you’re tempted to add an extension to your house just to have somewhere to put it all.

The second baby is harder. You’re still tempted to look at the oh so lovely cutsey baby stuff online. It’s all changed so much since your first. You will need to buy a couple of baby bits. Plus the suggested accessories. And you may as well buy the 3 for 2 offers, they’re a bargain. And ALL the stuff with cute ears. You now have about double the stuff you had for your first.

So far, so easy. And hard.


  1. Sarah MumofThree World October 26, 2015 / 6:34 am

    This made me smile! I know exactly where you’re coming from! The second baby is definitely easier because you know what to expect and you’ve been there and done that, but having two children is clearly harder than having one!
    I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you that E is a better sleeper than Z was!
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  2. Abigail Bryony October 26, 2015 / 7:30 am

    Love this! I’m pregnant with my second and often wonder how different it will be, it’s nice to read a down to earth post on what it’s like! x
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  3. Angela October 26, 2015 / 9:30 am

    I always worried with my second; would I love him as much as the first? Would it be the same second time round? How would I manage with two? So many questions! It’s easier but harder too! Easier with knowing from experience but harder on time. I have three children and each one has been different as a baby; with sleep, eating and meeting milestones.
    Great post x
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  4. Fiona @adventure_seek October 26, 2015 / 1:48 pm

    This is brilliant! I am enjoying my first baby and no way planning a second child yet, but every now and again it crosses my mind about hoe difficult it would be. Good luck!
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  5. Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely October 26, 2015 / 7:42 pm

    Yep, spot on. It’s both easier and harder. It continues that way too. I found it a lot nicer second time around because I knew exactly what I was doing (and the littlest was a seriously easy baby) but I spent a lot of time worrying that my eldest was coping. You’re doing just great xx
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  6. Natalie October 28, 2015 / 7:07 pm

    I agree with the other comments some ways it’s easier and in other ways it’s harder. I was much more confident with my second but obviously 2 is harder than one, double the chance of getting woken up in the night! Double the fun too though x
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  7. Tim October 28, 2015 / 9:18 pm

    Beautifully put. It is both simultaneously harder and easier. I think one of the big realisations we came to early on after our second was born was how much quicker you do things with a second child than with a first. Looking back, I’m amazed at how slowly we did things first time around that we simply whizzed through on the second go.
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  8. Charly Dove October 30, 2015 / 2:20 pm

    What a beautiful post Tas. You’re so right about not wishing the time away, they really do grow up so very fast. Not buying everything is a great tip too, I went bananas when POD was born! I can imagine it must be a challenge with two but awesome as well. Your photos are making me all gooey! I wish we’d had POD earlier so we could have had another, she’s doing well improvising though. She has a ‘brother’ called Daniel whose a bit of a chatterbox LOL 🙂
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  9. Hayley (@hayleyfromhome) November 2, 2015 / 3:23 pm

    Love this post Tas, I was nodding along with all of it! I definitely learnt not to impulse buy with the second two, I had bought so much rubbish with Lucas that I never even used And no, no one ever gets used to sleep deprivation, we were lucky that the twins slept through earlier than Lucas did but I maintain that is because they had too, we would have been broken otherwise 😉
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  10. Jess @ Along Came Cherry November 3, 2015 / 7:38 am

    Ah I love this, it’s all so true and so nicely put. I found the job of looking after a baby second time round so much easier as I was so much more relaxed but I definitely found it really hard to balance the needs of two children and looking back I know Cherry felt left out so ended up lashing out at Tiger. I am so broody right now and really want a 3rd! x
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