It’s been a busy few weeks with going back to work and finding a new routine but I think we are getting there and I’m feeling like we have a new normal again. A few months ago I had a major panic about how I would juggle it all and was convinced i wouldn’t be able to do it. A very wise person talked me through it and assured me that once I was in the swing of things, it would all be fine. There are definitely days where it’s gone wrong. Two little kids that don’t quite understand timeliness just yet is bound to do that sometimes, but i think I owe that very wise person some chocolates and a hug.
I’ve also had a huge “Oh shit, this is my life!” clap of thunder moment this week. I think it’s been slowly creeping up if I’m honest and it finally hit me that this…is…it. Remember when you were a teen and wondered where your life was going? It was all a huge mystery and my friend would say how she’d love a sneaky peek at her book of life to see who she would end up with, what life would be like, what she’d be when she grew up. I’ve realised that this is it. My life. It’s both a bit shocking in a good way and shocking in an unnerving way. I know I’m very lucky to have got this far but I don’t know what comes after the “conventional” milestones. Do we now just decide what we want to do of our own accord? And do people just wing it from here on in? Is this what’s known as a midlife crisis? Just to put it out there…I’m far too young for one yet (*cough*), but I can imagine this is what one would feel like. I think work may have triggered this pondering slightly when i was asked how I’d like to progress in my career and I just looked a bit blank because I’m not quite sure. After a year of intense maternity leave I suddenly have a tiny bit of time to think about myself and I don’t know where to start.
I do know I want to see lots more of the world at least, and with that in mind we are jetting off for some winter half term sun to Abu Dhabi. I was very tempted by Barcelona but we looked a bit more afield for some warmer weather, and then even more afield, until we ended up booking a holiday 8 whole hours away, with a baby. Eeeek. The Other Half talked me into it after promising to look after our super inquisitive 1 year old for the entire flight. I’ve so far reminded him of this about 13 times. We’ve armed ourselves with an iPad full of Mr Tumble though and we are hoping for the best. Pray for us.
In the meantime, we’ve been enjoying walks and looking at all the pretty colours watching the bossy ducks who follow us for food. Z keeps wanting to take all the leaves home. I have a boot full of them now and feel a bit like a weird thief, stealing from all our local parks. We found a secret conkers tree the other day and collected loads. At least, I think it’s a secret tree as it’s got such a good stash of them at this late stage of autumn. I think this season might be starting to win me over.