This week, a part-time toy-store employee discovers that a guy she’s lukewarm about is great at sex: 28, single, New Jersey
DAY ONE
9 a.m. I hate waking up alone. A year ago, I broke up with my boyfriend because we’d drifted apart. That meant moving out of the apartment that his parents bought for him and moving back home with my parents in New Jersey. I don’t miss him, but I miss the real estate.
9:30 a.m. Pour a bowl of cereal and text my parents that I’m jealous they’re on a vacation in Florida while I’m stuck working at a toy store to make minimum wage.
11:15 a.m. A kid and his mom come in. Why isn’t he at school? That signals either lice or the flu. Both bad.
2:30 p.m. Empty store. Try to manifest a text from Jamie.
3:30 p.m. Still nothing. Self-doubt creeps in. Why am I wasting my time waiting while someone ghosts me for two weeks at a time after we have sex? It’s absolutely no excuse, but Jamie is the best catch in this part of New Jersey. He’s a doctor, he’s handsome, he’s smart, he’s funny, etc. We met online a few months ago, and I think he likes me, but between his work schedule and the honest fact that every single woman in New Jersey must be pining for him, I just can’t make it to the top of his priority list.
6 p.m. Close the shop. I’m meeting Mark, a boring guy who works in admin, at a diner. Unclear if he chose a diner to be ironic or if that’s his idea of a great night out. It’s our second date, and I have low hopes. After our first date, at a Starbucks, I walked away thinking he’s not that cute and kind of boring.
When I walk in and see him, he’s a bit cuter. TBD on the boring.
9 p.m. Okay, Mark actually made me laugh. He was talking about his AI assistant, who’s incredibly polite no matter what nasty prompts he feeds her. The convo was enjoyable enough that I agreed to see him again.
Now that I’m home, though, I can’t help but think about Jamie’s wit and charm. Frustrated he still hasn’t texted. My last message to him was a week ago on my way home from sex with him at his cute little house: “That was fun. Let’s do it again soon?” Hope it wasn’t too thirsty. The sex was very good. Of course it was. This man is perfect.
10 p.m. I can’t take it. Send one more casual text to Jamie asking him to dinner later this week. Anticipation and dread washes over me. Make a cup of tea and pace the house until I’m basically sleepwalking, wondering if he’ll ever respond.
DAY TWO
8 a.m. A reply from Jamie! He wrote to me at 6 a.m.! See, his work life is relentless, I tell myself. He said, “Great to hear from you. Dinner tomorrow?” My heart races.
10 a.m. At work. Organizing inventory and daydreaming about what to wear for dinner with Jamie. Part of me thinks I should go full slut and make myself entirely irresistible.
1:15 p.m. Call my parents while the store is empty. They’re retired teachers and enjoying every moment of their retirement. I tell them about Mark and Jamie. They say neither sounds great, haha.
4:45 p.m. The day drags on. Now seems like a good time to ask Jamie what restaurant he has in mind. Then I realize that, technically, I’m the one who asked him out, so I panic trying to think of cool restaurants that aren’t too far from either of our houses.There are approximately zero.
7:30 p.m. Should I cook for Jamie? I’m Italian — it’s in my blood to win people over with red sauce. But maybe that would make me seem too domestic and unsophisticated. I went to a good college, which impresses Jamie, and one day I’ll move back to the city to be a teacher like my parents. I hope he sees how great I am. I hate how insecure I feel about this.
9:30 p.m. He hasn’t responded about the place. My best friend says sexy begets sexy, so I take out my vibrator. If I were a different type of girl, I’d send Jamie photos of me right now: vibrator down my underwear, squeezing my right nipple. Knowing my luck, he’d open them on his rounds in the pediatric unit!
DAY THREE
6 a.m. A text! “Do you want to go into the city?” Hell yes I do. Try with all my might not to respond right away.
9:10 a.m. “Sure!” I write the minute I unlock the toy store and settle in.
12:40 p.m. My phone beeps. Mark. Ugh. He wants to know if I’d like to join him at a comedy show tonight. I write back that I have plans with my sister in the city — lies, but he knows my sister lives there.
4 p.m. Jamie calls as I’m wrapping a stuffed octopus. I wrap as fast as I can so I can get the customers out and listen to his voicemail.
4:10 p.m. “Hi! I’m coming off an all-nighter but I still want to meet up. I’m going to drive in now. Want to meet me somewhere on the Upper West around 9?” This is a lot of information to download. I take a deep breath and respond. “Hi! I’m quickly voice-noting you because I’m here dealing with customers, but that sounds great! Just send me a location at some point so I know where to park.” Suddenly I need to use the gross, tiny bathroom in the back of the store. My nerves.
7 p.m. I’m dressed and waiting to get into my car. The Upper West Side will be a 45-minute drive, but I don’t know where to go, or if we’re still on?
8 p.m. I text Jamie one question mark. And speaking of “Mark,” I text him that I might be hanging in Jersey after all. I really don’t want to waste this outfit, and I have a weird/bad feeling that Jamie might ghost me.
9 p.m. Jamie never called. Mark says he’s at the show and it starts in an hour. I get in my car, fighting back tears over the Jamie thing, and tell myself that a comedy show is the very best thing that could happen to me right now.
10 p.m. Mark puts his arm around me and introduces me to his buddy who came to the show with him. He orders us a round of drinks. I get a whiskey sour. It feels really nice that he wants me here. I try not to think about Jamie and not to check my phone when I feel it buzz.
11:30 p.m. The show had some funny moments. Mark’s friend takes off and we start kissing at a little corner of the bar. I’m really into it. He’s actually a great kisser. I’m also getting BDE. Logistically, I can’t go to his place (it’s too far from the toy store), and I’m not really comfortable fucking him at my parents place (not yet, at least), so we make out a bunch more in the parking lot then tear ourselves apart to go home separately.
12 a.m. Still haven’t looked at my phone. When I get home, I check my texts. The only message is a special offer from Uber Eats.
DAY FOUR
8:40 a.m. I wake up and … honestly, I don’t know how I feel. I’m really hurt that I was so disrespectfully ghosted, but I’m also a bit giddy about my new perspective on Mark. Sure, he has an unsexy job, but I shouldn’t let that define him. Also, did I mention he’s 26? He’s still figuring things out.
11:30 a.m. At work, watching a mother buy three summer outfits for a baby. Debate blocking Jamie, but it seems immature. I can rise above this.
2:30 p.m. Call my parents to hear about Florida. I don’t tell them how cruelly I was dismissed last night, but I do say that Mark has moved from safety net to serious crush.
4:45 p.m. My last customers of the day … a group of bratty siblings fighting incessantly over who gets what. It makes me happy to be young and nowhere near marriage or motherhood.
7 p.m. I’m home, showered, and starting to cook dinner. Mark texts, “Did you have fun last night?” I don’t feel compelled to play any games with him, so I write back, “I had the best time!” Then I send him a picture of the baked eggplant Parmesan I’m prepping. I add some eggplant emojis just to be provocative and he writes back, “Say more.”
9 p.m. Mark is such a good texting flirt, but I really want to put my phone away and read in bed. We decide to hang out in two nights, because neither of us will have work the next day, and that I’ll cook for him, but at his place.
10 p.m. Not a word from Jamie. I actually fucking hate him.
DAY FIVE
9 a.m. I put on a little extra makeup before work today. Bronzer, red lips. It’s warmer out and I feel happier in general now that Jamie is no longer part of the equation.
10:30 a.m. It’s Saturday, so I’m busy at work all day. I help a kid learn how to work this interactive robot we have, and for a moment, I feel like a kid again. It’s not an accident that I work here. I love kids, toys, and engineering. When I get a teaching job, I’m hoping it will be in STEM. I laugh as I demonstrate how it works.
I feel so much lighter with my eye on a man who’s actually nice.
1:30 p.m. On Instagram, there’s Jamie’s night in the city. I try to look away, but I study it. I see pretty girls in his group. It makes me feel bad about myself. They’re probably all killing it in New York. My stomach twists.
4:15 p.m. My legs are tired. I want to go home!
7 p.m. Mark texts that he’s at the grocery store getting “provisions” for tomorrow night. Not sure about the word provisions, but I send him what I’ll need to make a simple ragu. I tell him I’ll bring the wine. I wonder what kind of house he has?
9:45 p.m. Settle into bed with a book. Can’t focus. My phone buzzes … why does my heart want it to be Jamie? It’s bullshit spam.
DAY SIX
10 a.m. Picking my parents up at the airport. They’re tan because they’re Italian sun-worshippers. They give me a million hugs and kisses. At home, I leave them alone to unpack and get back into the groove.
12:30 p.m. We take a walk around the neighborhood — my parents are huge walkers. I tell them not to ask about Jamie but say that I’m making dinner for Mark tonight. We go right into recipe talk.
4 p.m. Text Mark that I’m coming over. He lives 25 minutes away. It’s honestly amazing how comfortable I feel. I’m wearing a T-shirt and jeans. I did shower and make myself smell pretty.
4:30 p.m. It’s a bit awkward pulling up to Mark’s house. First of all, it’s cute. He lives with his two brothers (who aren’t home tonight). One works in finance, so I assume that’s how he affords it. He walks out and gives me a hug. Awkward but sweet.
5:30 p.m. Cooking and drinking red wine. Mark is drinking, too, and getting handsy while I cook. I don’t mind it at all, but I want my first meal for him to be good and not ruined. I playfully push him away. We definitely want each other.
6:30 p.m. Dinner came out really well. There’s even some fresh mint on top — Mark did good with the groceries. We have a few bites but basically just need to kiss and have sex already. It’s like a movie: We push our plates to the side and kiss right at the kitchen table. He brings me to his room, and after more kissing, he goes down on me. It’s beyond incredible. He’s one of those guys who just loves it, ya know? We both want sex badly. He puts on a condom and fucks me on top, then doggy. It’s sensual, with lots of kissing and eye contact, and so many orgasms for me that I lose count. This man is a lover!
10 p.m. We have sex all night. If my parents were still on vacation, I’d have slept over and fucked him in the morning, too. Drive home feeling literally amazed by how good everything was.
DAY SEVEN
11 a.m. Lying in bed, just thinking. Um, am I in a relationship?
1 p.m. Another walk with my parents. I tell them everything about last night other than the most important thing: This man is maybe the best lover I’ve ever had.
3 p.m. Mark invites me back, but his brothers are home, and that feels too intimate. Plus, I need a day to just … be.
5 p.m. FaceTime Mark to show him my childhood bedroom. We’re laughing a lot. He makes fun of my comforter, which is, like, babyish hearts and rainbows.
8 p.m. Over dinner with my parents — pasta, of course — they ask whatever happened to the doctor. When I tell them about how he almost had me drive into the city just to be stranded by him, they look disgusted. It’s humiliating, but part of me thinks that maybe my dating-nightmare stories are over. We all toast to that.
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