I think we’ve turned a massive corner with baby massage classes.   The sessions are really enjoyable, relaxed and I actually have a good time too.  It wasn’t always like that though.

In the beginning there was baby massage.  Baby was 14 weeks old and I was still looking a bit frazzled.   At the time Baby Boy was still feeding every two hours and just getting out of the house would take what seemed like eternity.   That morning I rushed around trying to pack all his belongings into his changing bag, partly because I still didn’t know how to pack a changing bag and partly because I wanted to be prepared for every baby emergency that came my way.  This meant packing 5 feeds (for one massage class), a few pairs of clothes, countless nappies, towel etc.  I could have stayed away at the class for about a week and still had enough to keep baby going.

With baby all wrapped up for an outing in the big cold wide world (its was still a very cold February) and my changing bag enough to cater for 4 babies I bundled the baby, the baby bag and myself into the car.  Packing everything had made me really late and I’d foregone putting any make up on and had scraped my hair into a ponytail.   With very little sleep from the previous night I think its fair to say I didn’t look my best.  Ahh stuff it I thought, the other mummies will be just as tired looking.   We hurriedly trundled into the clinic about 15 minutes late and burst through the door into the class.

I was suddenly in a room with about 20 babies, their mums and the instructor.  All relaxed with calming music playing in the background.  All now looking at the intruder that has suddenly disturbed the ambience.  I tried to settle myself and baby on the spare spot int he circle and tried to strip baby off at lightning speed, whilst at the same time hoping he would relax at an equally quick pace.  Glancing around the room I realised I was the only mummy that looked like I’d arrived backwards through a hedge.  Damn the perfectly groomed mummies.  Why didn’t I put some make up on?  Baby was also too busy wriggling around and had taken an interest in the neighbouring baby.  He was now content gurgling and trying to hold her toy as well whilst she wildly waved it around whacking the floor and herself.

As I tried to eventually join in with the massage Baby Boy had now spotted the doll that the instructor was using and had proceeded to crane his head back as far as it’d go to try to engage in a baby conversation.    Distracted, I completely failed to notice Baby Boy had made himself and home and had decided to wee, all over me.  Oh lovely.  I now had a massive wet patch on my red dress and rubbing it with baby wipes didn’t really help.  Now I know baby massaging is meant to be about complete relaxation but knowing what I know about my little one’s tendency to wee all over me the minute his nappy is off, a nappy on can’t be that bad can it?

Anyway, back to trying to get to a relaxed state, I was now cleaning up the wee from myself, baby and the baby mat and then trying to rejoin the intended relaxed state.  We managed quite well for about 5 minutes before another baby decided she’d had quite enough for one day and started screaming blue murder and wanted picking up.  Cue, a domino baby crying effect.  Baby Boy was utterly silent for about 5 seconds before letting out an upset cry, firmly declaring he had quite enough too.  I scooped him up and attempted to soothe, and hold onto, a now well oiled baby.

Eventually he calmed down, but not before he decided to relieve himself on me again.  Just as the instructor concluded the massage was over.  “Good job babies! Well done babies!”  What? Over already?  I needed to have a lie down!  I have to say I was reluctant to go after that and it took me a good few weeks before going again.

This time though it was different.  I was no longer packing the entirety of baby’s bedroom for every trip out and I was much more used to functioning after a bad nights sleep.  I now get there early or on time and I no longer stress about the fact that baby (and I) need to relax.  To Relax!!  The class is much smaller now as lots of babies have now moved on, which does help in a way.  And Baby Boy is much less prone to having an impromptu cry.   He will still wee on me given the chance but I now just put his nappy on very loosely.  So no more target practice for him.  and drier clothes for me.   Oh, and I still forget to put make up on some days,  But I carry less of a backward hedge look.