As I sit on the sofa knackered from my cousins 4 day wedding week I have been reminiscing about how Baby Z has had a complete ball over the last few days and how I have coped (solo, might I had) looking after him. Here is my guide on how to go to a wedding with a 1 year old.
1. Pack absolutely everything you have ever purchased for toddler. This includes travel cot, portable feeding chair, approximately 250 different types of snacks and about 7 different outfits. Just in case.
2. Carry around a massive changing bag to all the different parties and periodically rub your shoulder to soothe changing bag chafing.
3. Create the “Baby Zone” by placing all sorts of baby nik naks on your table including spare jumper, various snacks, beaker and various toys.
4. Watch toddler toss each item under the table out of reach and make mental note to retrieve it all at some point.
5. Spend some time later on hands and knees under the table trying to look for everything.
6. Try to stop toddler from giving himself a piercing by constantly taking the fork and other bits of cutlery away from him.
7. Try to stop the toddler smashing the plates by moving everything to the centre of the table.
8. Growl at the manager of the venue when he tells you there aren’t any any high chairs available.
9. Spend time chasing excited toddler around the massive venue.
10. Try to unsuccessfully stop toddler running into the “Do Not Enter” catering area.
11. Spend time trying to retrieve toddler from under one of the food counters. Use lettuce and bits of salad to try to coax him out.
12. Spend time gripping excited toddler under one arm so that child looks like he is in a superman pose and try to sit him down in your lap.
13. Watch cousins giggling at Baby Z trying to squirm from grip. Shout “Just you wait, it’ll be your turn one day!”.
14. Give up trying to keep toddler in one place and delegate babysitting over to grandad. Try to wolf down dinner in record time. Realise you missed the starter.
15. Eventually feel sorry for grandad chasing around the endless bundle of energy and take over baby watching.
16. Try to entertain toddler with array of toys. Watch toys get chucked around. Give toddler expensive camera in attempt to keep him quiet.
17. Greet bride and groom who comment on beautiful toddler. Try to stop toddler from trying to grab hold of shiny tie / brides earrings / bride herself.
18. Breathe a sigh of relief as toddler starts dropping off in your lap. Then realise he’s got a second burst of energy.
19. Ask if it’s time to go home yet.
20. Eventually almost whoop with joy when you realise the wedding party is over. Almost run to car.
21. Look open mouthed as you place toddler in car and watch him fall asleep and start snoring instantly. Wish you could do the same.
22. Make a mental note never ever to go to another wedding again without OH. Ever.
23. In pondering the above, reverse straight into cousins car in full view of wedding party. Wish ground would swallow you up.
24. Turn even more crimson as your mum bangs on the drivers side window from the outside and watch her tell you off through said window. Complete with wagging finger. Again, in full view of wedding party.
25. Laugh hysterically the next day at all of the above whilst recounting above antics.
Wedding season in my family is usually the start of organised mental chaos. Coming from an Indian background means all weddings last a multiple of days. The first of many such weddings starts next week. A 4 day event. Argghh! With a toddler in tow. Arrrrgh!
It’s my “cousin” that is getting married. We’re not actually related but they are still “family” and therefore that means we must attend all the days. He is my maternal aunt’s hubbies’ first cousins’ son. Actually, that means we are related after all. And you could even say we’re “close family”.
This will be the first time Baby Z will be going to a wedding as a toddler which is already filling me with dread. He has decided he no longer likes to be strapped into his car seat so if he isn’t trying to break out of it Houdini style, he is exercising his lungs at full volume in the hope that a full blown 10 minute tantrum will defeat me into pulling up and letting him out. I have to admit it’ll be mildly amusing watching my cousin, who is travelling down with us and, who has no experience of babies whatsoever, attempt to calm a frenzied Baby Z midst tantrum screaming. Tee hee (I know, I am evil).
I also had grand plans to get into shape for this wedding and have been trying to dutifully follow BodForTea’s excercise group. I started oh so well but Baby Z has discovered its fun to sit on my belly whilst I try to do sit ups and bounce up and down for maximum fun. On days where i don’t want to vomit I sometimes end up not doing sit ups.
He has also learnt the art of hairdressing. Deciding he doesn’t actually like my fringe anymore, he will regular scowl at me with all the concentration of a good hair stylist, lean over and then push my fringe out of my face. Whilst holding onto it. He might then let go. He might not. He might also decide to try to push it back to where it was. On the plus side I guess I don’t need to pay for a stylist if I decide I need one!
My one mission is to try to look presentable all 4 days. This means…
Not finding food anywhere on my self. Particularly my knee area, which has become Baby Zs personal mouth wiping place.
Not finding food stains on my shoulders or arms
Actually being able to get into my dresses whilst being able to breathe
Not arriving frazzled to one of the days on account of super “let me out of the car seat” tantrums
Not singing theme tune to Zingzillas unless I absolutely have to.
Not having my fringe pulled and re-styled mid party
Not having food chucked at me
Stopping Baby Z from trying to empty his bottle of milk onto people’s floors.
Keeping Baby Z clean-ish all 4 days
That’s do-able. Right?
The latest Listography on Kate Takes 5 is all about Our Bests. Any Bests. Whatever we fancy. So here goes…
1. My Best Meal
I am a complete fatty at heart and my favourite meal is usually a good roast, with Yorkshire puddings, gravy and roast potatoes. My best meal though was one my hubby made for me when i came home from hospital, 3 days after having baby. After days of hospital food he made me a simple fish fingers, chips, mushy peas and a fried egg. Yumm!
2. Best Car
My first ever car which was a purple Toyota Corolla and broke down constantly. It was a complete nightmare to maintain but it was my first ever car and even now I look out for it when I drive past the house of the guy i sold it to (Bit sad I know)
3. Best Ever Journey
When we flew Business Class on our honeymoon. Halfway into a flight I usually get grumpy and whine and moan about how Im uncomfortable, I cant sleep, fidget fidget etc. Not this time. The recliners are amazing. As is the food, in house entertainment, service, drinks, food…ah lush! We kept looking at the screen saying Weve only got 7 hours on this flight in a sad manner.
4. Best Holiday
Just after I graduated, my friends and I decided we would celebrate my first proper job by going to Paris on the Eurotunnel. None of us had been before and didnt really know much about the city or the various districts. I found a very nice picture of a hotel and thought wow, thats so gorgeous and so cheap! When we got there we were a bit stunned. It looked nothing like the picture on the website (Sacre Couer) and looked more like a dilapidated bedsit. Oh, and it was in the red light district directly opposite the Moulin Rouge. Despite this, it was the best holiday ever!
5. Best Day
Our wedding day. On the lead up to it I was totally expecting it to go wrong at some point on the day and it did. But I didn’t care one bit and loved every second of it, even the bits that went wrong.